I came across an article recently that gave some great advice for single mothers. There was one thing that concerned me though. The author, Samantha Young, talked about the ‘good divorce’ where both parties are ‘rational and adult, divide assets fairly…do not argue or fight, support one another in parenting, agree on custody and remain friends’. The author, despite being a psychologist said she had ‘never seen or heard of such a divorce’.

Luckily for me I get to see and hear about these divorces all the time. Often I get couples in mediation that are really committed to the pursuit of the ‘good divorce’ and will work hard to ensure it. At Farrar Gesini Dunn we also offer couples the option of Collaborative Law, where couples work with their lawyers, and possibly other professionals like child specialists and finance gurus, to make arrangements in a collaborative rather than adversarial manner.

There is no question that couples that commit to a ‘good divorce’ will be required to expend a lot of time and energy in working towards this goal. They will need to make certain commitments to behaving in an adult and rational manner, as well as minimising conflict. They will need to focus not on their own needs but to the needs of the family as a whole, most importantly the needs of the children. There is no question that in many respects proceeding straight to litigation is the easy way out. A ‘good divorce’ requires both parties to be ‘good people’ and in the throes of a break up this can be quite difficult, even for the best of us. Being your better self is challenging, it is far easier to allow a traditional litigation lawyer to fuel the flames of conflict and maintain your rage.

As to being ‘friends’ I think this may be, initially at least, an unrealistic goal. What couples instead should aim for is a respectful and business-like relationship, where the ‘business’ of the family is the parenting of the children. In order to get the best results you’ll need to work together, and like many a work situation you may have to do this with someone that you don’t necessarily like. A good divorce isn’t about liking your partner, it is about working productively together for the sake of the children.

The key to a good divorce is the same as the key to a successful marriage – respectful dialogue, honesty and integrity, focussing on being your better self and lots of hard work. If you are willing to do that then a ‘good divorce’ is within your grasp.

Samantha Young’s article can be found at http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/advice-for-single-mums/

NB. Samantha also advises minimising the use of lawyers. I would clarify this by saying that you should minimise the use of litigation lawyers but seek advice from lawyers (and mediators) who promote interests based negotiation and collaborative frameworks. The lawyer you choose will often determine the outcome – chose the wrong one and the ‘good divorce’ won’t even be an option.

Take a look at my fantastic new flyer. Feel free to pass it on to anyone who may be interested.

Many thanks to Shannon Morris for the great photo – it’s amazing what some skill and lots of airbrushing can do.

http://www.fgd.com.au/blog/elisa-turco-family-law-mediator/

Sometimes it is best to acknowledge exactly what it is that we don’t know. That way we can turn to those that know better and get the real help we need. The key is knowing when, and most importantly who, to turn to. Like my colleagues I rely on a trusted list of advisors and counsellors, people I can feel confident referring clients to, and seeking advice from, when I reach the limits of my expertise. Take a look at Adam’s recent blog, as it’s always good to know that even the brightest of us might not know everything.

http://www.fgd.com.au/blog/family-law-on-ice/

Dr Gemma Russell is a wonderful clinical psychologist who specialises in child and adolescent development and mental health. Together with Farrar Gesini Dunn she will be presenting a free seminar on positive parenting techniques at Clifton Hill Primary School on March 18. Take a look at the flyer attached below for all the details.

I’ll be there as well to answer any questions on mediation, feel free to come along.

http://www.fgd.com.au/blog/positive-parenting-seminar-tuesday-18-march/

When a client first contacts me we spend quite a bit of time talking about how they have reached the situation they are in and what I can possibly do to help them, and their partner, reduce conflict and formulate an arrangement that works for everyone. We also spend a lot of time talking through their misconceptions about family law, childhood development and their financial split. There is a lot of misinformation out in the general public about these issues, usually because we all know someone who has been through a separation and have heard their war stories.

My colleagues at Farrar Gesini Dunn are all about dispelling these myths and ensuring clients fully understand their legal position. Take a look at Kasey’s blog this week which talks about some common misconceptions about assets and their division.

http://www.fgd.com.au/blog/family-law-myths-those-are-my-assets/

When a client first contacts me we spend quite a bit of time talking about how they have reached the situation they are in and what I can possibly do to help them, and their partner, reduce conflict and formulate an arrangement that works for everyone. We also spend a lot of time talking through their misconceptions about family law, childhood development and their financial split. There is a lot of misinformation out in the general public about these issues, usually because we all know someone who has been through a separation and have heard their war stories.

My colleagues at Farrar Gesini Dunn are all about dispelling these myths and ensuring clients fully understand their legal position. Take a look at Kasey’s blog this week which talks about some common misconceptions about assets and their division.

http://www.fgd.com.au/blog/family-law-myths-those-are-my-assets/

Separation and divorce is a challenge for families. It is a time of great change and emotional upheaval.

Transitioning from the past family dynamic into something different can be difficult and fraught with conflict.

The mediator’s role is to assist families through this process. To unravel your unique situation and assist you to build a better future.